How to Stop suffering at work?

Stress, loneliness, harassment, burn-out ... Life at work is not always easy. And suffering, disillusions, are frequent. But if it is difficult to transform our professional world, it is possible for each of us to set limits. To protect themselves. The advice of Anne-Catherine Sabas, psychotherapist, to "work to live, not to survive".

As a result, many people do not realize that they are suffering. And find themselves, a few weeks or months later, on the edge of the abyss, burnout or depression. But it is possible to act before it is too late. The key ? Take the time to stop, and above all, to listen.

3 questions to ask yourself

How am I?

A question to be asked every day, according to Anne-Catherine Sabas. "In the morning, before setting foot on the floor, and in the evening, before falling asleep. And especially on Sunday evening and Monday morning. " The challenge ? "Do not lose contact with yourself".

Does what I live suit me?

Occupation, professional environment, colleagues, salary ... Of course, it is not possible to be fully satisfied with everything. But one thing remains fundamental for the psychotherapist: do a job that we like. Because "sometimes we suffer because we are simply not in our place".

What makes me suffer?

Motor for some, or, on the contrary, completely crippling for others ... Each of us, for example, has a different relationship to stress. "The question is to feel when you switch to ill-being. "

Listening to thinking, talking ...

"I have my back", "it takes me the head" ... "The stress that one can not manage is imprinted on our body," recalls Anne-Catherine Sabas. Any sign of great fatigue, pain, or any sleep disorder should therefore never be taken lightly.

Another warning signal: the inability to stop thinking. "If one is constantly in anxiety, the mental rumination is that already, something begins to escape us. "

Learning to ask and say no

But often difficult to ask, or say no. "Many conflicts come from fear of conflict. Conflict is often confused and confrontation! However, many situations can be resolved by a change of attitude, a framing ".

First thing to do: respecting - and enforcing - your personal needs. "If you do not like to be disturbed, for example, you have to be able to tell others that you need calm to concentrate."

But it happens that the situation turns to altercation. "There, we must begin by understanding why we feel anger. Writing what happens in us can help. Then, it is good to ask if this anger is justified, perhaps talking to someone. Then we need to clarify things point by point: were our expectations reasonable? What can we negotiate? ".

Coping with toxic personalities

Sometimes, suffering at work comes from difficult professional relationships. Humiliations, criticism, manipulation, even harassment, are the daily lot of many employees. "We must observe this kind of attitude with the most neutral look possible: is it we who interpret them wrongly? Who may be asking too much? Or are they socially unacceptable? Does this person behave badly with everyone? »...

Getting confronted with a pervert or manipulator is never easy. Hence the importance of seeking by all means to protect oneself. This often means, at first, to be silent. "A manipulator tends to return all your words against you. It is therefore necessary to prepare well what is said, to develop a strategy. Above all, we must work on the trust we have in ourselves, which is what will enable us to be able to say things peacefully. "

But sometimes, in vain. Only solution then: the leak. To "save your skin". She also asks to be well prepared. And above all, does not constitute a failure. "It is only a leak of something to get into something else ...".

Bounce

Often, when one has been a victim, the most difficult thing is to get out of this feeling of shame, of guilt that inhabits us. Notably that of having been had. Not to have seen anything coming.

"We must meet the victim in us, with great love and compassion. Once we have made peace with ourselves, we can emerge from this need that the other recognizes us, treats us better. There are people who can not be expected. "

Rebuilding after being a victim takes time. "The important thing is to understand that most of the time, it had nothing to do with us. It's just that we were hit in a flaw. It is therefore an opportunity to heal this wound that had not been suspected. To develop other qualities too: patience, humility, assertiveness ... ". The opportunity also to reconcile with oneself, to better bounce later.